Tom Hiddleston because who doesn’t like saying that name a 100 times…. This is so going to be fun and weird.
So its my mom’s 1st birthday. She has two each year because Grandma swore she was born on the 28th even though the birth certificate says the 27th. So Happy Birthday to her she’s a young one now at 68..
So short shift today as well which made weird with the amounts of times I was pulled out to work on other stuff. First the normal training with Derek. And then to go over a new policy corporate things will “help” us. Ugh these guys really need to do undercover boss and actually get their hands wet on the bottom level for once. And then it was off to help Andiy move. Well I was the awesome door stop and baby holder since I’m still not allowed to do heavy lifting with my legs. (well I could but it maybe deadly for me).
Monday is the day when we start sorting this stuff out. Well the leg procedure happens which will be nice since my knees are about to go and have been screaming at me all this week. Ugh no fun. Though kind of weird thing even though I’ve been in pain and not doing so hot for like two months now my numbers actually have been going up. So even though I’ve been taking “20-25 min” breaks I’ve actually been doing better running the register.
So Blast from the past:
Can’t do it… Can’t go out, put on a fake smile and pretend everything is all right.
SO REMEMBER HELP ME GET CUTE DRAGONS ON SHIRTS! (The wee mouse making it in this world will appreciate it).
Ok. I’m having a problem coming up with titles for my blogs. A real little thing and yet hard one. Hmm I’ll start naming celebrities as a title just for a random crap thing. lol.
So beyond everything I just for fun started a gofundme account. For the $11,000 I’m in debt but set it up to start my shirt campaign. Which is actually true. I need money to advertise better so I can get sells, which I’m currently not getting. Also I’ll be selling stuff so I won’t feel that I’m just taking people’s money for nothing.
So shirts was talking to my artist and she is going to get me dragons to try and use. She will get half of the half I’m keeping. Half of whatever I sell on either ebay or teespring I’m donating to Bloodwise. So really most will go to charity anyhow.
Today was another lazy day. Vacuum my bedroom. Nasty cats had brought in a room at one time and found it hard and crusty under some stuff. Ugh crazy little creatures. Though the longer Caity stayed the more use Kitty got she even played a little laser dot chasing. Progress to break that shyness that I have no clue where it came from.
Blast from the past:
It’s not about the flowers
Wish for a little acknowledge
Don’t feel he’s really sorry.
Not a single acknowledge of what I’ve done–And when did I have to announce to the world that I’ve done yardwork? When did it become a sin to go out and plant and work in the yard.
How do you tell yourself that your not being selfish when your in a middle of an argument?
I am beginning to realize I can’t change my mother-But I do not know how to deal with her.
One year he won’t come into my house or yard so what relationship do I have with him?
I’ve been slacking again. Just not a clue what to write about and been having some later shifts at work so not having a lot of energy when I get home. Well today was a day off. Slept in until noon then wandered around the yard for a while. Then it was taking Moriarty to the vet. Where he played the scaredy cat but got clean bill of health, shaved arms pits, and a blue sticker for being good.
Then home before the massive rain we got. Sherlock even came to hang out for a moment. But he was basically all growls and hisses. Still it was nice to have him in for a little while out of the weather.
So still trying to shirt campaigns on teespring. You should check them out. Half of what I make on stuff I sale will get donated to Bloodwise charity. So if anything buy to support that great group.
Blast from the past:
WHEN WILL BEING ME BE ENOOUGH!!!!
Its so hypocritical for my mom to talk about Emma getting a divorce, but then threatening to get one herself when someone doesn’t think the same and voices it.
Has she ever stopped and thought about what getting a divorce really means???
Who’s her eternal companion?
The bond we’ve had has been broken-I don’t know if it can truly be repaired.
12:37 am 4-17-07 Strange-
Hot, very hot sweaty
Heart beating fast
Feel like I am cooking
RRS Feed seems to be the topic of most comments. Right now I don’t have one because the one I had wasn’t working very well and messing with things so I got rid of it. I do however have Facebook page that you are more then welcome to check out that I link my blog posts to and you can shoot me other messages and better communicate. Its still simply called Rebekah’s Webpage. So original, I know. Also twitter quite a lot now @crazyfungus, if you want to follow. Lol just beware the twitter is my own account and I do post other normal and weird random crap on there. Other thing I keep getting asked is my webhost. It is Bluehost, there are different dollar amounts to choose from to setup your domain. I was looking through it and I actually signed up for a 36 month one hence the $100 price tag. And the format I blog from is WordPress. I don’t know code so I have to relie on what the webpages give me and help me figure out. And yes I’ve crashed my site a few times when I do weird stuff to it. As for other stuff as in helpful places to check out if you want to ask questions and hang with people that are doing the same thing I would say check out wealthy affiliates and shoemoney.net (this one I find most helpful and rather free). As for blogging advice really write about what you like.
A friend posted some things to help make extra money from home links so giving some a try. Oh also going to note if you like articles to help out I’ve found that pennyhoarder is really awesome blog place to come up with ideas to try.
So blast from the past
AAARRGGHHH!!! He does this on purpose. Its a test and I fail every single time. Why, why, why? I’m so frustrated I can’t even write… I’m probably wrong but is it always necessary to make such a big deal of things when people give you something? And why does everybody wants me to be someone I’m not. I hate being compared to all these great and wonderful people. They except me to act and be this person that can and will be perfect… And when I’m not- guess who gets to feel like crap and dirt- Where are all the people who understand me…
Expect high things from me but don’t be disappointed when I don’t achieve what you expect…
It’s snowing and I bet I have to drive to church.
And on top of it, I have to cover my feelings- no crying… Stop… And sit in the car and teach with one person I hate to disappoint-but I’m not her perfect daughter. I can’t do and think like her and then everything I is wrong…
But I’m “grown up” I’m a big girl who is allowed to do what she wants expect when it goes what Todd wants.
OK, why do I have to do a big thing when He gives me something, but when I give him candy and stuff nothing-Yeah I don’t need a thank you, but how can one think that if he gives he must always receive but when something is given to him, he does not need to give back?
And an excuse because its the right thing to do-may be right but so stupid. What if I’m tired of doing that and never seeing anything.
I know my mom wants what is best for me but when will she understand what I am doing now is the best I can do?
Wednesday, Thursday afternoon-weren’t for me-they were Todd. Geez I wonder where I fit in.
She has it in her mind that she has raised me for the last 21 yrs. now I’m old enough to stand on my own… Until I do something that upsets Todd-Then I’m a little kid again.
Do I want to thank him? NO- I Don’t feel that it is necessary. I’m mean, cruel and evil. I have no respect for others, only care for myself. I don’t care what’s right and refuse to even think good thoughts. I am the devil.
Can no longer think. Why do I not feel like I need to say thank you. Is the evil one a trying to cause havoc on my life or is it not necessary to do so… When has it become wrong to do things just to do them.
Should be grateful for things but to there is a but.
Recognition is good to a point but then its vain.
La la la la so totally don’t know what to say. So new ebay post been up for maybe 10 minutes already 19 looks, amazing. Maybe I can make some nice money on it. Probably not but would be nice… LOL got to figure this money thing our fast since I can’t seem to get one loan to put all my debt into one thing. And don’t have enough to get help from anyone. UGH! Kind of stuck in a hard place and a rock right now.
So other then that and breaking down to buy graphite transfer paper off Amazon to finish my letters for etsy kind of just working and trying to stay alive until May 2.
So no random links since I’m rather lazy tonight and don’t want to find one, we will just jump ahead to blast from the past.
I read some of the comments that were on the Ellen show, about how now the that Steve’s dead the cash cow had to be passed on to Bindi. Anger wasn’t what hit me first, sadness. Here’s a little girl-who wants be out there sharing her love of wildlife-I doubt she cares about money. Her family would probably be out there doing what they are doing even if they weren’t paid one penny.
Then thought occur to me. Here we are… We’ve surrounded ourselves with people who like Steve Irwin… Here in the fan sites we kind of have blinders on-yes as a fan site we’ll only talk about great Steve was and how all grew up loving him-we’ve seen the good and even grew up loving him, but this world is big not everybody liked or appreciate what he and his family are doing, when get out of the fan sites and into the real world-we see pics and read articles from people who don’t like him-we need not get angry at these people.
There is not one person that has lived, is living, and will live that everyone on the planet will like him or her… And we need to accept that and not get angry.
I think the comment on Ellen of Bindi wanting to be her dad shouldn’t be taken too literally. I personally would love to be my mom. I think she said right afterwards sums that one up- she wants him to be proud of her. I also think it may have not come out quite like she want it to-have you never thought something but words you used to say made it stand for something else entirely different. I think there is such a high expectation put on her not from family and friends but herself and by the world, I think she feels she will only make him proud by being him.
Back to the grind after having 2 days off. I really wish I didn’t need to work. It was nice having time to do whatever I wanted to do. But bills need paying. I’m also finding that it is very difficult to be on my feet 8 hours. I can make it 4-5 without too much problem but 8 just gets way too hard. Couple more weeks and hopefully I’ll start feeling better.
Also been wanting to give more so I decided today to give an extra $2 out of my paycheck to local charity and change my ebay listing to giving half of what I make to bloodwise. I haven’t been getting a lot for any of my stuff but still every penny counts.
So found this list. Kind of a reminder on being careful how you abbreviate.
So link all these random links are from Click Here!clickbank. If I push and they get sales I get money. Its and interesting way to get extra cash if you are any good at selling stuff. I just do it since it brings up my SEO score. LOL kind of funny in a way.
Blast From the Past
Interacting with people
Learning word skills
Making a compliment
Calling them by name
Needs to be built
Dealing with people
Who do you think is responsible for you
We I Experience
Civil Service Test
AutoCAD Operator-what schooling
Holding you back from getting back to school
What’s holding you back
This Friday night-Institute class 6-7:40pm
Look thru Yellow Pages-Two lists
Ask dad- to drive around town and do the lists
Why it works Why it doesn’t work
Call for dental Appointment
Trip to spring creek in car with dad, Bekah driving
Today was Dad’s birthday and I got to be the lucky one to spend it with him. We went to the movie Miracles from Heaven. Very good movie but make sure you take a box of Kleenex because its a tear jerker. Then we went underwear shopping. Nice to get new underwear. Then lunch at Panera Bread. Soup in a bread bowl my favorite. Then it was another movie Cinderella the new one another fabulous movie. Then dinner at Sizzler, so-so place not high on my favorite list but the special dessert was good. Then a quick pants shopping. So it is official, I am a pants size smaller. Yay me.
Overall Awesome day with family. Now relaxing before going to bed. Maybe tomorrow on my day off I’ll get my front garden cleaned up. But we will see what happens.
Random Click Here!” target=”_blank”>link only doing these because it says I need a link on my post and I score higher and most days I really don’t have anything.
So blast from the past.
I want to be able to express my feelings…
I feel like whatever good I do doesn’t matter…
I could do good 90% of the time, but nobody notices anything from that percentage only the 10% is what everyone sees.
I can’t talk about anything…
Its always my fault.
Yesterday with the whopper, why does she do stuff like that-its as if she is egging me on.-if she knew that it wasn’t going to be enough then why didn’t she buy two for me-instead she makes me feel crappier the crap- by bringing that all up… You would think they’d know how I think…And then telling me oh you can have mine and I’ll eat something else-talk about trying to make you feel like slime and guilty for opening your mouth…
I spent all morning trying to make the house look clean for when they got home-and still ended up like its pointless to do anything.
I feel like I’m in this big hole and now there is dirt falling into it-I’m physically (mentally) too tire to dig myself out-
I can’t think anymore-everything I do is wrong. My brain no longer works like it did-I CAN’T KEEP THE HURT, ANGER, AND TEARS INSIDE… I want to let go, but if I do it makes everything worse…
I use to see sunlight, now I can barely see a ray of hope.
I need to break through the wall, I need to step forward, I’ve been standing in one spot for way too long, I need to be able to move… Just be able to prove that I can do it; That this disease can’t tie me down and can’t keep me hostage.
Parents are here. Came up since they didn’t get to spend time when down to Logan for the funeral. So a day of fun with them tomorrow starting at 10 with a movie. And then shopping and just hanging out. Dinner tonight was Applebee’s.
And then got to watch Grandma play with the Grandkids. Wish I caught the moment Izzie actually picked on of the shoe strings and took to her and sat waiting for her to play with her. Kitty also slowly came up to say hi.
So let’s see Random link.Click Here!” target=”_blank”>link
Blast from the past:
Why does so simple things turn into such big things?
I just want my mom to treat me like she use to…
I felt like she cared…
Now I just feel like crawling under a rock and hiding…
WOW Came on to just check things out and find 30 comments on my page. Its nice to all that knowing that someone is actually reading this rambling. LOL just came on to say that I made up another shirt. Just messing around with everything and hoping to make some money. So I also decided to change trying to get out of debt and make it Please donate to my cats, because really people have a hard time resisting cute little fuzz balls, right?
So let’s see today was rather lazy day since I started my period and didn’t have to work. Kind of cleaning house since my parents are coming tomorrow but rather lazy day. Yesterday we smored it up. And I said good bye to the last of this years Easter lilies. And then we went to looked at a house that Andiy might rent. Not a bad little fixer up. And three bedrooms for almost $200 less then what she is renting now. Not bad if she decides to take it.
Random Click Here!” target=”_blank”>link
Blast to the past:
Choose Between Family and Todd.
Mom picks Todd…
So Todd could rid of us and mom should go
All Todd has to do is say and do the words
How would that solve the problem?
Wouldn’t we HATE Todd more…
Mom would HATE US
The blame would be on us.
How do you make someone understand something when they don’t want, but they need to..
The problem won’t be solved if we can’t understand.
I need to learn to deal with Todd…
This could break me if I don’t… It will break my family if a solution is not found soon…
How do you deal with someone who thinks the world should revolve around them??? And everybody just wants you to leave it that way…
17 years– Now your mother believes you should be able to handle the world by yourself… and when you fail-how do you feel..
Crappy doesn’t describe the feelings.
You know your in trouble when the first question is did your dad and you talke while I was gone…
I’ve lost my relationship with my mother.
Before the world could have blown up but I knew my mother would be there… Now Not Sure..
I hate talking about this… I can’t express myself without hurting others, but my heart is broken-pain-hurt-
It seems that I must be the only one thing to change…
No wonder why I can’t survive alone out there… I can’t survive in here.
Though I have been gifted with calmness through all this I can still close my eyes and feel peace…
This is my answer to all the late night cries/prayers.
She’s mad me cause I’m sick of always being nice…
Why does she refuse to see it from my point of view.
I can’t come up with a solution on my own…
When everything goes against my nature how do I change to make it all right but not change me.
Who is me??
When the world is pounding at your door you turn to God… But not only through faith, you must step as well.
Faith is the 1st step
But without action you can’t achieve anything
And action is where I am stumped.
I feel like the enemy…
Like I revealed the family’s dirty little secret to the public…
Goodnight. Well better one then the last time I ran until 9:45 pm. No crazy sisters this time. Almost got a full shift tomorrow but mentioned overtime and that got squashed. And my Boss was actually giving me nutrition tips when I got there. Really need to do better. So not much to say. Nice day outside. Saw a little of it before going to work. Have a short four hour shift tomorrow then a day off. Need to work on cleaning house and start setting up my garden and other stuff. Have so many thoughts running through my head that I’d love to do this summer but still need to make some money. Sold a couple more things on ebay, but nothing that will get me too far in life. Kind rather sucks right now. Need to get my butt into gear and finish the letters that are on my floor and see if I can sell any of them. And shirts, waiting on drawings from a friend so we can start getting a strange lines going. Keep thinking if each campaign made at least $500 that’ll be huge. Anything over $500 will go to Bloodwise as a donation. Flat Sam shirt or stickers. Help out and share the link and buy a shirt.
Random link: Singing lessons.
Blast from the past:
Up & down
Good question: Hmmm….
I think I sort of worked on one problem but still have a feeling its hugely–massively messed up… Emotions–Emotions need to be stabilized. Hurt and pain– are dug deeply–
Change- need to…
Do I to pay for this hour that I only get twenty minutes.
There were somethings I think we skipped I couldn’t form the words to make it sound right.
I will not be cured… Will learn to to live with it.